There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
She bit a glass in half.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
