he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
