seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
