Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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