I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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