I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
