My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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