if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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