yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
