It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
