I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
