is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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