i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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