Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
