ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
