do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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