My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
