This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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