i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
