I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
No...this little piggys going to the bar
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
