So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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