The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I'm eating all of the evidence.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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