Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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