Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
