Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
