it's too hot outside to masturbate.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
