Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
