I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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