Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
this is an emotional support booty call
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
