Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
