I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I think a kid would responsible me up
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
