I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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