I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Randomize
