So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Randomize
