Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
