He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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