My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
