Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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