so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
