i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
