Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
