So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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