SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
