btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
