i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
