false alarm. still invincible.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
