i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
