I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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