last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
