is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
