Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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